My Journey to Motherhood (times two)

preggo with my second mini me

I was not the typical wife who was happy to see two red lines and was excited to drop the bomb to my husband. In fact, he wasn’t even my husband then. Yes, I wasn’t happy, and yes, I was crying but no, I didn’t think of abortion.

I went out of the bathroom crying after seeing the two red lines. My boyfriend (now my husband) knew exactly what it meant.  I saw poker face. A lot of things were running through my mind that time. Is he happy? How will I tell my parents? How will I tell my boss? Will I call my sister now? But on top of my mind was “I want some nuts right now!” Yes, nuts were one of my first cravings.

To make the long story short, we got engaged, then we married all in the span of two months.

My reaction was somehow the typical reaction of someone who was not ready to have a baby. I never thought of abortion because my baby was never unwanted, just unexpected.

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Here is the story of my second pregnancy, I wrote this 20 days before I gave birth to my second child.

October 4, 2011-- Two red lines? I couldn't believe my eyes. Kiera has just turned 10 months old last September 17. We were not planning for a new baby, we were planning for her first birthday. I silently walked out of the bathroom and rushed myself to our room. I was about to cry, and with all those actions, I knew my hubby has an idea of what's going on. He entered the room and I showed her the PT result. He told me to do another test just to make sure, but I told him, one is enough evidence, I am pregnant.

I have to admit, it was a painful moment for me. I wasn't ready for another baby, physically and emotionally. I mean, I just had my body back. Plus the fact that I don't have a job at that moment, what will happen to my career? Who would hire a pregnant woman? What will my parents say? What will other people say? Our daughter is not even one year old, and here I am, pregnant again? For a moment, I thought my life was ruined all because of an unplanned pregnancy.

I didn't think of abortion. But I was somehow praying that God will make a way not to continue this pregnancy. I wished I'll slip in the bathroom, stumble or fall somewhere. What a selfish act to even pray for that!

My hubby told me he was happy to have a new baby, but his face didn't justify that. I requested that we'll keep the pregnancy a secret for a while, I told him to reveal it after Kiera's first birthday. But me being close to my sister, I spoiled the news to her a week after. She just lost her baby at that time, and hearing the news made her happy. She told me the baby is another blessing from God. She also told me not to mind other people's opinion. She also helped me revealed the news to our parents. To my surprise, no violent reactions at all, they're just a little worried about our finances.

As days gone by, I found a job. The news was revealed even before Kiera's birthday. I also started to feel better and finally accepted the fact that I'm having a new baby. I revealed it on Facebook too and I received a lot of beautiful comments about the news. Although not all are beautiful, but I didn't mind the negative comments for I am so overwhelmed by my friends’ support on the pregnancy. Not to mention my hubby's constant posting of beautiful things on Facebook like "I am proud of my wife”.

I called her unplanned for I knew we were careful enough not to make a new baby too soon, but she was planned by God. God's timing is always perfect. In about 22 days, I'm going to give birth to a pretty little girl. I never thought the feeling of excitement would be the same as the first one. I love you baby. Forgive mommy for the way I thought of things before. I pray nothing more now than for you to be born healthy. I'll see you real soon sweetheart.

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I list some of the things that I've learned in my journey to motherhood (times two).

No one is ready for pregnancy. It takes time before the fact will actually sink in to one’s mind. No one is ready for morning sickness, nausea, extra weight, bigger tummy, and most of all the pain of giving birth. So what should one do? Be ready for it! Ask your mother, your sister or your friend who’s been there. Ask them anything, even the silliest question about pregnancy. Read a book about pregnancy. I read Darn Good Advice Pregnancy by Susan Warhus (See photo). Search the net and subscribe to free newsletters. Visit your OB-Gyne. 

There are two major emotions involved in this journey: fear and excitement. Fear because no matter how many bits of information you collect from a person, a book or the internet, you’ll never really know the feeling of everything till they actually happen to you. Excitement, who wouldn't be excited to the fact that you are carrying another life inside you? From the gender to the first cry, what’s not to be excited about? 

Every pregnancy is different. I've been through two different pregnancies. With my first pregnancy, it was not just morning but an all day sickness and nausea was up to the third trimester. My second pregnancy was a lot easier—no nausea, no morning sickness. Bottom line is, never compare. The feeling and development for nine months is unique in every pregnancy, just like the baby growing inside you is. 

Every pregnancy is a blessing. No pregnancy should be considered unwanted. I got pregnant ten months after I gave birth to my first baby. With my second pregnancy, I thought things were less exciting. But I was totally wrong. It was even more exciting to have another baby to love. And then you’ll be thrilled to think about the future when your kids are a little bigger. 

Pain goes away but love stays. Labor and delivery were painful but I can’t remember how painful they were. Seeing my baby for the first time is love at first sight. Love grows everyday. I need not to explain further, this is well taught with experience.